Happy Valentine's Day!

I've really worked hard in recent years to set better boundaries around my wants and needs at the holidays, and while I know Valentine's Day is a gimmick, I still feel quite loved when I am noticed on this commercial holiday. My husband did his best with a box of chocolates and three different types of stickers ordered last minute on Amazon - and I LOVED it. What matters to me is that I matter. For so many years I put others' needs ahead of my own and would experience the empty disappointment year after year. It's not about the consumerism. It could have been a coffee mug he craftily powder coated for me or an act of service he saved for Valentine's Day (and I was even content with his original plan of barbecuing for me on Thursday night when our children will be out having their own lives). I found someone who honors my needs and who KNOWS me and SEES me. I deserve this type of love, and I give this type of love, as well.

Not to say that we are the perfect couple, but I reflect back on my relationships and look at the relationships of those around me and I feel a lot of gratitude for what we have built. I also feel excitement for what is still to come. I need to work on my honesty, he needs to work on letting down his walls. We will always have work to do. We have traumas that still haunt us - baggage, as some might say. But as we open these bags up and empty them out and show each other what we've been carrying, slowly we have been able to unpack the bags and leave the unnecessary weight behind. Some things still have to be carried, but if I know what he is carrying it makes it easier to empathize and be able to support the best I can. If he knows what I'm carrying, he can support me in that same way.

He knows I carry an emptiness that I have allowed to be filled by Valentine's Day gifts. He fills that cup for me.

I know he carries stress about finances and about our future. I'm working toward doing what I can to act responsibly so that he does not have to carry that heavy burden on his own.

And that box of chocolates? Of course I share it with him.  I love US. WE love US.